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[26 Apr 2008|05:35pm] |
My dad had this goal.
He wanted to have $1000 in his wallet.
It is stupid, but it is just something he really wanted.
He just wanted to be that guy with a wad of money in his wallet.
He added his last hundred dollars to his wallet a few weeks ago.
This morning, he checked it, and it was all gone.
Someone that my parents invited INTO THEIR HOME stole all one thousand dollars from him.
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[18 Apr 2008|02:52pm] |
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oh no no no no no no no no.
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[10 Apr 2008|10:54pm] |
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one of these days I am going to stand up and fight for it.
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| my bad. |
[04 Apr 2008|01:44am] |
I am so unbelievably mean and I am so so so so sorry.
I can never ever admit when I am wrong.
I always say "I will try..." but it never works out that way, does it?
I never realize it when it happens.
It just does.
I am so sorry that I made you feel so terrible.
I am so sorry that you'll never see this.
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[18 Mar 2008|02:45am] |
I am tired, I don't feel well, and I constantly make stupid choices.
AND WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG FOR MY NAILS TO DRY?!
I am completely terrified that I will fuck them up.
I wish I had a nailpolish remover pen.
How amazing would that thing be?
How amazing would it be to just get SOMETHING that I want?
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[22 Feb 2008|11:25pm] |
I miss the way you look.
smell.
taste.
distance numbs everything.
absence makes the heart grow fonder, but time makes the mind forget,
and I have grown weary of trying to remember my greatest regrets.
I have been battling my weaknesses and fears
with very little success.
I can try to run, but the demons will catch up sooner or later...not even the master of deceit can hide behind fake smiles and shining eyes forever.
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[17 Feb 2008|12:41am] |
one time I ran away.
it was pointless.
it got me nowhere.
just heartbroken in every possible way.
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| I pose, to you, a question! |
[25 Jan 2008|03:10pm] |
Here is what I need to know:
Is it worth it to leave everything behind, the opportunities and the chances, for something that will probably send me running home, tail tucked between my legs? Again?
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| el ciervo vulnerado |
[05 Jan 2008|04:52pm] |
I've been drinking black mirror again
the closer we part
i needed to touch your lips
with the nail in my heart
the night that you caught me
my coffin did walk
i fell at your mercy
i fell in your grave
meccamputechture
that stands in my way
the younger i stay
an elderly child
the longer the mirror gives birth
to the death i file
if you consume me i will not let you go
if you walk right through me
my voice will taint your throat
blessed be the wrong i've done
someone is watching us
somoene has found
flourescent ligaments
on a black white tile
why do you call them
if your kingdom won't come
the younger i stay
forever i rot
if you consume me i will not let you go
if you walk right through me
my voice will taint your throat
blessed be the wrong i've done
because the flies my mouth spill
bare the children at play
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| Od' und leer das Meer. |
[21 Dec 2007|11:06pm] |
Frisch weht der Wind
Der Heimat zu.
Mein Irisch Kind,
Wo weilest du?
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| rubadubdub |
[17 Oct 2007|09:12pm] |
It's one thing to look me over.
I'm used to that.
But do you have to rub it in my face?
Really?
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[07 Sep 2007|10:13pm] |
....The streets grew shorter,
the night grew black.
I don't know where I'm going
but I'll never look back.....
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| nobody's fault but mine. |
[29 Mar 2007|11:21pm] |
I am fucking weird.
Seriously.
I went back and read this old ass entry I posted....like...from a year ago. It was about this dude in my spanish class thinking I wouldn't know what a pacsun was.
I about cried laughing because I remember that shit.
It's weird though...I can't imagine why I even spoke to him. I don't talk to anybody anymore.
I am ready to get outta here, but I know that if I leave, it will just be more of the same. I don't understand how to be with people anymore. I don't get it. Any social skills I ever had are fucking gone. I am uncomfortable around people I know.
I went to Clarksville in October for Jackie's birthday, and I felt so strange. I felt like an invader. Everyone has changed. They are grown-up and beautiful and coming into their own. I am still exactly the same.
I am still exactly the same.
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| back |
[22 Feb 2007|12:06am] |
Nov 30 was my last update.
Nearly three months ago.
I can't believe it's been so long.
How you've changed lj.
You've changed enough to look different, but this....this right here is still the same. It looks the same and it feels the same.
So, where was I when last you saw me?
I guess, more importantly, where am I now?
After the wreck, I was in a wheelchair. For a long time. I didn't start using my crutches until I got my cast off, the Friday before this semester started. Even then, I still used my wheelchair around the house until my doctor gave me the go ahead to start putting weight on my foot. What a relief to feel the tendons stretch after months of disuse.
Even now that I have graduated to crutches full time, it is almost pleasureable to feel the burn/stretch/pressure when I step down on my right foot.
All I want to do is roll around in full sounds and rich colors.
But how?
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[30 Nov 2006|11:00pm] |
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It all fell into place when we crashed.
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| galactic. |
[03 Nov 2006|04:26pm] |
galaxies
fall down my cheeks
galaxies.
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[27 Jun 2006|12:46pm] |
late is the hour,
early in the day,
the sky glowing blue,
(but in some spots still gray).
wildflowers rush to meet the road
waving on their stalks as she rushes by.
where the road turns to gravel,
dreams take sharp turn.
better or worse? I cannot say,
but, oh! how they burn!
in her praire of primrose,
her pasture of prose,
(she lies where the pavement becomes rock).
in the still of the morning,
clouds floating by,
(recall the glowing-blue, gray-spotted sky):
the flowers are friends,
her words are lovers,
the gravel her warden,
the sky her cover.
time stands still
as the world rushes by her
and deep down inside
her soul is on fire.
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